Sermon on the Mount

Oh, my time with God was goooood this morning.
I want to share with you a bit of my heart. I know most of this blog in the past has just been boring trip updates for various mission trips. While that's fine, I feel like God is teaching me stuff along this road and I'm ripping you off by not sharing. It's your journey too in a way, if you have committed to pray or have given. So I should be sharing with you what God is doing if it's in my heart or in the physical world.
Among many things God has been teaching me to TRUST him. That means letting go of things I think help hold me together and trust Him to do a better job. As I cleaned out my closet yesterday I had a hard time letting go of some really cute pieces. I haven't worn them because they don't fit right or I don't have anything to go with it and I kept thinking if I let this go I have room to get something I like better and fits better. Then I read my Bible this morning. In Matthew 6, when Jesus talks about how we shouldn't worry about what we're going to wear, because God makes the flowers beautiful. The way the Message puts it, basically I felt like it was directly attacking the fashion world. The expensive clothes and shoes and even if we bargain shop, we have ALOT so we can be fashionable. So I see a contrast: Jesus says don't worry about what you are wearing and he says be generous. I'll let you make the connection.

Then I found another contrast, a lifestyle our society certainly doesn't propel remember the school yard rhyme "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" Will, Jesus kinda says the opposite. When he's talking about persecution he says in essence, bring it on, because it it'll only make you closer to God and if you die, you get to be with God, so there's not loss there. Then when talking about loving and hating your enemies he says what you say kills. Sounds to me like the rhyme should instead say "Sticks and stones will save me but your words will destroy me"

It's frustrating to see how backwards we have it sometimes. I was so encouraged because I left like most of what I read today was affirming to me, I'm on the right path. I'm doing what I need to do. I'm sacrificing my desires so I can have a pure and righteous heart. Sometimes it hurts and it's hard and I'm scared of failure but I want Jesus. Plain and simple.

Fear be gone!

I'm working on integrating a truth into my life. I love how God is helping me in different ways. It starts with a short story in the book Kisses from Katie, by Katie Davis.

"Once there was a people who surveyed the resources of the world and said to each other: “How can we be sure that we will have enough in hard times? We want to survive whatever happens. Let us start collecting food, materials, and knowledge so that we are safe and secure when a crisis occurs.” So they started hoarding, so much and so eagerly that the other peoples protested and said: “You have so much more than you need, while we don’t have enough to survive. Give us part of your wealth!” But the fearful hoarders said: “No, no, we need to keep this in case of an emergency, in case things go bad for us too, in case our lives are threatened.” But the others said: “We are dying now, please give us food and materials and knowledge to survive. We can’t wait . . . we need it now!” Then the fearful hoarders became even more fearful, since they became afraid that the poor and hungry attack them. So they said to one another: “Let us build walls around our wealth so that no stranger can take it from us.” They started erecting walls so high that they could not even see anymore whether their enemies were outside the walls or not! As their fear increased they told each other: “Our enemies have become so numerous that they may be able to tear down our walls. Our walls are not strong enough to keep them away. We need to put bombs at the top of the walls so that nobody will dare to even come close to us.” But instead of feeling safe and secure behind their armed walls they found themselves trapped in the prison they had built with their own fear. They even became afraid of their own bombs, wondering if they might harm themselves more than their enemy. And gradually they realized their fear of death had brought them closer to it."

When I first read this I thought of our hearts. We are afraid of being hurt so instead of loving others caring for them or just being with them in their place of pain, we ignore it. We hope if we act like we didn't see it then God won't hold us accountable for saying "no" to the opportunity to be Him to them. I think a lot of this stuff about the way we guard our hearts we do, subconsciously and we need to pray that God gives us the courage to step beyond that.

Isaiah 52:3 describes Jesus as "a man of suffering, and familiar with pain." When I read that it struck me that Jesus made himself vulnerable to feel the pain of others to allow himself to be moved by compassion for others. Why do we fear compassion? I think we fear it because it moves us to action and sometimes it's nice to stay in our comfy bed in our comfy pajamas and we don't want to get up and do something. But if we want to have the heart of Jesus - a man of compassion who suffered with the suffering and hurt because of it - we HAVE to open our hearts to "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15 NIV) That means no just when it's socially respectable to mourn, but EVEN when you come across that person you know is wearing a mask of "everything's ok" but you can tell, nothing's ok. Listen, pray, BE THERE. It means when a kid comes to your door raising money for something and he's obviously discouraged by the lack of generosity, allow yourself to be moved to compassion and give up your coffee tomorrow and buy something or make a donation.


That's the second thing I go from this story, first I thought of the show about disaster prepping and the ridiculous amount of money people put into building a bunker and stock piling food they may be more organized but there's nothing different between them and the hoarders. Both are driven by fear to keep, keep, keep. There's no generosity. There's no giving. They are held captive by fear. If we want to live like Jesus, according to Matthew 5, we have to be generous and gracious. I do't see either of these qualities in hoarding. Now, maybe I don't hoard in either of those ways, but I eat out a lot more then I should. I could work to spend less on food and then have more to give away. I have BAGS of clothes in my closet that don't fit anymore, not even close. I keep them just in case. Just in case means I'm afraid Jesus won't take care of me when something happens.


My project this week: clean out my closet and give away all of my just in case clothes. Project number 2: put some cash in small bills in my wallet so when the kid does come to my door, or there's a homeless man sitting outside my church, I have money to give. I won't have an excuse. I refuse to live in captivity to fear!

How it all works

Isaiah 2:3b - "He'll show us the way he works so we can live the way we're made" (The Message) Doesn't that sum it up right there? That's why daily spending time with Jesus is so important. I grew up in church, went to a christian college and memorized a LOT of Bible verses growing up. So sometimes I feel like I know the Bible and I don't need to spend time with Jesus EVERY day. I just recently found myself at the bottom of a slippery slope and now that I'm back up on my feet I'm wondering how I got there to begin with.
 
 It starts with compromise.
Just when I was opening up my Bible I was thinking about how sometimes you hear pastors say if the last thing you want to do is read your Bible that should be the first thing you do. Well, that is true, I think I take my hunger for the word for granted. I decide that something else is more important and I'll still be hungry later so I'll wait. Well, it seems that hunger for the Word is like hunger for food. If you wait long enough you'll stop feeling hungry - at least for a while. When I started nursing school I knew Jesus was the only way I'd make it through. I was consistent and passionate about team each morning with Jesus. Then one morning I was tired so I decided to do it after class and sleep in. Well, after class there was homework and before I knew it I was climbing into bed never having STOPPED to talk to Jesus, sure I talked to him all day long, but I never stopped to listen to what he had to say aback. I never stopped to look to see how He wanted me to live today. I think Jesus changes us in such subtle ways sometimes it's hard to see him changing us at all. I like to see results and when I don't, what I'm doing feels futile.

  It ends with determination.
Now that I'm seeing what can happen to my heart when left unchecked I am reminded that Jesus constantly adjusting my path back onto His is vital. But now I have bad habits to break. I have gotten used to my "my-way" routine. It's hard to stop and choose Jesus especially because I'm not in an extreme position where I KNOW I can't go on without Jesus. Instead, I know I can make it through life on this earth by myself, but if I choose to let Jesus in I can LIVE the way I was made. It starts back up just like it stopped only in reverse. EVERY SINGLE DAY I mush choose to spend time in the Word. I must stop to listen to Jesus and I always need to pray that He makes me more like Him. If you're not getting stronger and pushing for a deeper relationship, you're getting weaker. There's no staying stagnant.

 So I am saying yes to God, I'm choosing His path, and I will not waver. My God is good.

Support letter 2012

I've sent out about a billion support letters, if I missed you, here you go:

If you keep up on facebook you already know, I am going back to Africa this summer. I’ve never been more excited. This trip is like the beginning of my future ministry. I’m going to Uganda for 2 weeks by myself to learn more about ministry in Uganda. I’ll be staying at an orphanage recently opened by a nurse from Texas, Sara. Someone I can well relate to. Then, I have a team that’s still growing and shaping that will join me in Uganda for a week. I will be able to show this team what makes me passionate about Uganda. I look forward to showing them the hand of God in action in obviously tangible ways in the lives of the kids there. Then we’ll be traveling to Tanzania to spend time with the Forrest Family who recently moved there to be missionaries with YWAM.
They were the pastors in charge of the internship I did last year. The purpose of this part is to love and encourage them, but also to help with their ministry in any way we can. This whole trip is a little different then trips I’ve done before because instead of having a list of objectives we will complete, I know generalities of where God is calling me but I don’t really know what I’ll be doing, but I trust that there are needs I will be able to meet that God already knows about.
PRAISE THE LORD! 24 of you have already committed to support me in prayer for this trip, breaking the record for any of my previous trips. That alone gives me confidence that God is moving here. If you haven’t jumped on board with this prayer movement, don’t worry it’s not too late, either shoot me an email or send back the prayer response paper and let me know you are standing with me as I go ready to serve as the Lord leads.
I still need financial support. I am so grateful right now to have a great job that will significantly help in gathering funds but I still feel it’s just as important to have you, supporting me because it gives me confidence I am not alone. It also gives you an opportunity to not just say you are supporting me in this by praying but making it YOUR ministry by taking ownership in it and supporting financially. I am not sure I ever shared this but my goal for every trip is to earn 1/3 through work or some personal effort of my own, 1/3 through my amazing team of supporters, and 1/3 through fundraisers. I thought rather than the same old “please send me money” plea you may be used to from support letters I would instead challenge you. Go look in your closet and count the number of shoes you have. For each pair you have, send me a dollar. If everyone does this I will have easily covered a 1/3 of my costs. The grand total of costs is $3600. That equates to a lot of opportunities to join me in Africa this summer through your financial support.
I’ve re-written this letter about 4 times now, because stuff keeps changing. So I’m putting my foot down and mailing it out, but please check in on the blog for updates.
Hit reply and let me know how you want to be involved
- You can pray, I’ll send you monthly updates
- You can pray and I’ll add you to my list to be updated while I’m gone by text or email
- Or just let me know you’ll pray
- You can give a one-time gift and send a check made out to Rafiki Africa Ministries to 659 Gehr St. Wenatchee, WA 98801
- You can give a couple of gifts over the coming months
- You can ask me to check in with you later because you want to give but can’t right now.

I want to say Yes! Sometimes I say No.

I've been thinking about missions a lot lately. God's been doing some spring cleaning in my heart this week and there are a few lessons I want to share with you.

First I've been learning about the curse of money. Money can bring freedom, but not in the way our society says. Just turn on the TV with people hoarding everything from cats to canned food society says keep everything you can get your hands on and hold on to it. You might need it tomorrow. That sounds like fear not freedom to me. Sometimes society says to put it in a savings account, but what happens when the stock market crashes and that's gone - looks like fear not freedom to me.

I see freedom in the person that recklessly gives it all away trusting that God will provide for tomorrow. This is biblical. As much as don't want it to be in our comfy american homes with air conditioning and clean running water. When the Israelites lived on manna did God allow them to keep more then what they needed for the day? No. When they did the result was much like the show hoarders: buried alive, with maggots and gross icky things invading their homes. God has always asked his people to trust Him and to live on what He gives them and to generously give trusting He will supply more.

So when God asks me to go, to give, to do, I wish I always said yes, sometimes I do. But sometimes I don't. I was broken today when as God was showing me this dicotamy about money I remembered I went to lunch with a friend a few weeks ago. We were walking from our cars to the restaurant and were stopped by a man who let us know that the soup kitchen had stopped serving already. My response to this was not to hear his honest need for food but I was offended that he thought I looked homeless and I carried on with my friend. I didn't see that right in front of me God had placed a man who needed to see the love of Jesus made real in someone willing to buy him lunch that day. In our culture it's easy to make the excuse that we don't give to the homeless because scams are too common or that they'll just use it for drugs, or this isn't a safe part of town to stop in... Arn't all those "reasons" just evidence of living in fear. Jesus didn't say that we're blessed when we do it to the least of these if we feel like it. He just said we are blessed when we do it because we do it for him. Honestly if it was Jesus... you would give. Jesus says it's the same thing. All that aside. I didn't even have that excuse with this man. I could have asked him to join us and I could have bought him lunch and been blessed to hear how God is moving in his life. maybe. Or maybe he would have turned my offer down, but I would have said yes to God, but that day I said no. I wish I could go back and say yes. To be honest any time I've ever said yes to God, I've never wanted to go back and say no.

Same day, same car drive through town, different conversation with God. I found out a few days ago of a missionary opportunity to work part time in Uganda and part time in the US. I can do this position while I'm in school and grow in some skill sets that will always be needed working in missions. I will be eligible to raise support through the ministry so I can do this missionary work like a job I would just have to ask people to pay my paycheck, which I may as well get used to doing anyway. So I've thought and prayed and asked others to pray and I wasn't seeing much of a downside but I wanted to be sure. So as I was driving I heard God ask me why I shouldn't take that position. "Well God, I'm not good enough, It's going to be hard, and what if you aren't faithful to provide my needs... Oh. I guess I have my answer then, Lord." Plain as day God showed me my heart. So I have a choice, live in fear and say no to God, or recklessly abandon this life that's not my own and say yes. Do I have to tell you what I chose?