Religion or relationship?

I've always said I'm not religious I'm about having a relationship with Christ. You can call me a Christian if you want but I don't label myself that way because it has so many twisted connotations in our society.

I was reading in Luke 1 this morning. I was struck by verse 28.

(In the Message)
Good Morning!
You're beautiful with God's beauty,
Beautiful inside and out.
God be with you.

Right in that moment the realization of who Mary must have been for God to choose her and make this deceleration over her struck me. She wasn't like her Jewish culture making sacrifices at the temple but not really knowing God, making and following silly rules; She knew God. She had a relationship with Him. She probably prayed daily for the coming of the Messiah. She was already a part of God's work on the earth before she became the mother of the Messiah because she was praying for God's will to be done on the earth.

I want to be a part of God's plans on the earth I want the physical importance but I forget about the ground work that makes me qualified to be used by God. The prayer and the relationship. I think I often claim to not be religious because my religion looks different  then the typical definition. I do a lot of things without talking to God about it. I forget to spend time with Lord sometimes. I go to church, I do churchy things, I go on mission trips, and sometimes there's a lot of relationship but sometimes there is none. I don't want to be a Pharisee making my life all about "things I do for God" instead of just being with God. I want to be like Mary. God, take my heart and make it yours. Mold it to desire you more then it does right now. Show me how to pray, show me how to seek you more. Convict me again if I begin to fall into religion. 

what a ride

The sound of this blog will be different then usually because I'm tagging it so travelers making the same trip can find some good info. There's not much out there.
30 hours of peace from the Lord. That's the best way to describe the bus ride from Kampala, Uganda to Arusha, Tanzania. I went into the trip with expectations of the worst. Yeah, it was bad, but not as bad as I expected. It cost me 95,000 Uganda Shillings which was about $38 US. The bus was 5.5 hours later then my ticket said. That frustrated me some, but I was used to Africa time by that point and wasn't too upset. I had some chapti in the restaurant with no ill effects and it was only 3,000 shillings for 2. I traveled with Kampala Coach and I would recommend traveling with them again. Once we were finally on the road it was rush hour traffic so the driver took a back road route out of Kampala which was bumpy but faster then normal. We got to the Kenya boarder around 12:30 am. If you a just getting a transit visa I would recommend bringing with you small bills in US dollars. The sign said the cost was $10-20 and when I said I only had $13 us he said I would need to get more because that wasn't enough and I ended up paying $25 because of what I lost in exchanging Tanzania shillings into US. Don't let anyone fill out your paper work, they don't allow agents to bring your stuff to the counter. If you are muzungu they swarm you. Just tell them you will do it yourself. You shouldn't have to pay to exit the country only entering. Oh and Tanzania visitor Visa in August 2012 was $100 not $50 like Uganda
Anyway. That was the only area I had any trouble. I was very nervous about my stuff getting stolen and I was afraid I wouldn't sleep. I wrapped my backpack around my legs and put my feet on top and and my purse around me and nestled between me and the bus wall. I dozed off several times and by the end I realized I was a lot more safe then I was fearing. All my bags made it and nothing was taken from me.
I hardly ate or drank at all the whole trip because I was afraid of needing to go to the bathroom because we only stopped to let people on or off. Sometimes we went 5 or 6 hours without stopping.
The pump on the second gas tank broke. So we broke down on the side of the road for a while and they cyphened the gas out from that tank into the other tank and we were going again.
I really felt like the people on the bus were watching out for me and I didn't feel like a target was on me because I was white. The staff was kind and were very helpful to me.
So a word to those looking to take this journey, it's bumpy, it's smelly, it's hot, it's exhausting, it's nerve racking, it's REALLY REALLY long, but it's crazy cheep. So if you're willing to go on an adventure I say do it but expect the worst. Otherwise, fly, it's not that expensive.

TIA (This is Africa)

I’ve heard this phrase over and over again but felt that last Tuesday, it was very applicable. I had discovered that because of the diet here one of my medications needed to be increased, but I didn’t have enough. So Sara, the founder/director of the ministry I am at agreed to take me to the pharmacy to try to get some more. We were waiting for the road to clear to make a right turn (driving on the opposite side of the road… it’s like a left turn) the cars started honking behind us because this is Africa driving. The road had cleared and as we began to turn a boda boda (a motorcycle with a paying passenger) passed us on the right which is illegal. Because he did, we hit the back and they went sliding across the pavement. The driver got up, but the woman on the back didn’t move. I jumped out to check on her while Sara tried to pull out of traffic. What I saw terrified me and I didn’t know what to do except pray. The woman didn’t look good and I was sure there was brain damage (no one wears helmets here). Next door to the pharmacy is a clinic so I ran into the clinic and asked for a doctor. They moved fast which surprised me because if you’ve ever been to Africa, nothing is fast except the driving. Sara, a nurse, went in the clinic with the woman while I waited in the car with the other American volunteering here right now, Kailey. Sara eventually came back telling us that the woman had a complex fracture and they don’t have the ability to set it at this clinic but she’ll have to be transferred but there was no evidence of brain damage she was talking and in pain but cognitive and fine. So there’s two possibilities it was shock and that’s why she looked so bad when I saw her, or God healed her. I’m ok with either one. The police were getting the driver and sara’s stories about what happened but the boda driver was saying it wasn’t his fault but his account of what happened was the same as Sara’s .  Joseph, Sara’s husband, a Ugandan, showed up, putting us all a little more at ease. The Woman’s husband showed up and at this point Sara said even though it’s not her fault she wants to help with the woman’s medical bills, knowing the boda driver wouldn’t/couldn’t. After a couple hours at the scene, one of the staff members from the ministry showed up to pick us up. Sara and Joseph went to the police station to make their statement about what happened. As far as we knew it was clear the police knew it was the boda driver’s fault and things should resolve easily

The next morning Kailey had gotten a text from Sara that she had been arrested but was later released. We knew nothing more. We were very confused. That night we got more of the story. Things got complicated after the police station, Sara wanted to check on the woman, the police said she should not go, it would make her look guilty, but they went anyway. The husband was very angry because there was a police officer who was telling lies to everyone and he told the husband that it was Sara’s fault. There was a big upset and the husband hit Sara’s husband, Joseph. There was a police officer there who was a friend of the woman’s family and he decided to arrest Sara. He took sara back to the same police station they just came from. The officer working looked up the case number she gave him, he looked at it and told the police man who arrested her, he could not arrest her. So she was released. Her car remained in evidence for several days. Later there was a meeting with Sara and the Husband again and he apologized for hitting Joseph and he agreed to not press charges against Sara he understood the collision was not her fault.

The moral of the story…. Life is different in Africa. Things are more complicated sometimes especially if the color of your skin is a little different.

What life would be like

These kids are so well taken care of here, they are fed well, clothed well, they go to church and to school, they go to the doctor when they are sick, it's sometimes easy to forget that these kids are orphans. I was reminded yesterday. I was holding this little guy, 

He had a fever and was just not feeling well. He started crying and so I was holding him while also trying to keep an eye on the rest of the children during play time… which means let’s see how many of us can clobber Aunty Nicole at once time. So poor Emma is caught in the middle. I thought it would be good for him to just go lay down but after 5 minutes of crying I didn’t think that was going to work, so I just held him. He had quieted and then started crying again, I tried to get him to tell me what was wrong and eventually figured out he needed to go potty. So I took him but it struck me, a mom would have known. A mom would have known that cry. That’s what these kids are missing, they are loved and they are taken care of, but they will never be known the way they would have been known by mommy. I don't know what make of this, but it has deepened my compassion toward them.

virus or no virus

I remember sitting in freshman health class and we watched a video about the Ebola virus (I don't remember why) but I remember thinking wow, good thing I'm never going to Africa. I forgot about that until today. Today I received official notice from the ministry I'm working with that there is an Ebola outbreak in Uganda. There's only been 1 case in Kampala (where I'll be) and it was someone who came in to go to the hospital. Ebola transmission is similar to HIV. I obviously have already planned to be cautious about that so I'm not concerned. The ministry said if they become concerned about risk they will send me home and hunker down with the kids.
I will probably just leave early for Tanzania depending on the circumstances. WHO and CDC are involved. WHO has not placed any travel restrictions on Uganda. I'm not concerned about this but I did want to share with you who are supporting me in prayer how to be praying.
Thank you for supporting me and lifting me up!
Ok that was a nice little break, time to get back to packing.

Tickets!!!!!

I am way overdue for an update. Despite an epic fail on my big fundraiser God has been faithful and I'm only about $400 away from my goal and I should have that just from paychecks before I go. I still have several people who have told me they are helping me in someway they just don't know the amount yet. God is so faithful I feel so foolish for doubting him.
My plane tickets have been purchased and I'm getting excited about going. It feels like it's real now that I have tickets. So now it's on to the next phase of anxiety... what's going to happen? Sometimes I find myself getting nervous about this adventure I'm about to embark on. I know there are dangers and it would be safer to stay home. Sometimes I have this split second thought of not going because I get scared but then I remember why I'm going and it goes away. Please pray with me against this fear and pray all the little details get worked out because I've had several plans fall through of details like what phone I will have so I can be in communication with people I know while traveling between countries. It's little stuff like that but stuff that will make a big difference in my anxiety.
So the official dates are August 7-31. I fly out of Seattle. I've been thinking about having a little get together at my house the night before for those who want to come say good-bye details to come.
Thanks for your prayers.

At the end of me

I found it. I've come to the end of me, where the only choice I have is faith. Yesterday I found out only 2 tickets have sold for my fundraiser dinner on Friday. While I've had some minor panic moments I've been pretty strong in faith knowing God's going to come through. Tonight I decided to skip my normal entertainment and to-do list plans and have some Jesus time to talk to him about this in addition to the hours of prayer today and yesterday. This is what he told me: If I get through Friday with only a one cent donation and I lose a lot of money on this event, but I have faith, and I am kind and my words are loving and encouraging - then it's a success. So for all of those who pray for me, remember the story about the battle with the Amalek :

Amalek came and fought Israel at Rephidim. Moses ordered Joshua: "Select some men for us and go out and fight Amalek. Tomorrow I will take my stand on top of the hill holding God's staff." Joshua did what Moses ordered in order to fight Amalek. And Moses, Aaron, and Hur went to the top of the hill. It turned out that whenever Moses raised his hands, Israel was winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, Amalek was winning. But Moses' hands got tired. So they got a stone and set it under him. He sat on it and Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on each side. So his hands remained steady until the sun went down. Joshua defeated Amalek and its army in battle.

God said to Moses, "Write this up as a reminder to Joshua, to keep it before him, because I will most certainly wipe the very memory of Amalek off the face of the Earth."

Moses built an altar and named it "God My Banner." He said,

Salute God's rule!
God at war with Amalek
Always and forever!
                                                                --- Exodus 17 Msg
I know I need you holding my arms in this battle of faith this week. I am so weak and I'm struggling so much. PLEASE be praying for me. Prayer is the only way to win this battle and I cannot do it alone.